There’s only the nagging sensation that a trip back in time is the only likely way to find a Slug frantically surreal enough to live up to your expectations. Jump over a gap now and then or dodge a bit of falling metal, but even when you steal away in a stolen tank to take on a serpentine mole machine flimsy enough to be considered constructed out of soggy bread, there’s no real highlights to be found. It’s just a cave, one filled with bog-standard troops by the boatload, the odd encamped mortar and a smattering of armour. It’s cave-like, this is true, but the walking dead do not roam its dank innards, nor do other-worldly invaders drop for the ceiling and make a spirited attempts to eat your face. Solitary, not so much out of clichéd machismo, but more because the expected co-op was left twitching on the cutting room floor along with the broken hearts of Sluggers who need their hand held by a gun-toting chum. Picking any of the six expected protagonists, ranging from series staple and obligatory all-rounder, Marco, to bespectacled Fio, who makes up for her lack of manly strength by rapid-firing her starting sidearm, leads you to a one-man storm of a cave. You can give credit to SNK Playmore for meeting expectations early on. It transports itself entirely away from the arcade cabinets and ties itself exclusively to home consoles, giving it far too much in common with series stinkers, Advanced and 3D. Not only have the last few Slugs been met with guffaws and fist-shaking, it taunts history by making perhaps the most flaunted error it could ever make. This leads the seventh and newest entry into a doomed dual dilemma. You’re supposed to like your Metal Slugs like pretentious indy fans like their favourite band’s album catalogue: the initial outings are raw, powerful showcases of brilliance while anything that comes along after the first few handfuls are as well received as that time Cypress Hill decided to make a nu metal album. "Not the handheld trainwreck you might have been expecting."
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